I first wanted to mention that I will resume doing my wonderfully "themed days" (ex-Motivation Monday, Tip Tuesday, etc. -I KNOW-nerd!) on Day #1 of Project 365...which is coming oh so soon-and I couldn't be more excited! Just didn't want you to think I was slackin!
I would also like to thank all of my wonderful bloggy friends for your kind and encouraging words on yesterday's post- I never realized just much we are really able to support one another on this journey- but I definitely felt the love and support from you all! No worries- this day has gone AMAZINGLY thus far and the scale better watch out on Thursday (the end of the Biggest Loser Challenge and weigh in) and on Sunday (my weekly weigh in)!
Just to prove that I am still hardcore, check the lunch (now I'm no TJ :) but I still think it looks pretty good!) However- there was something seriously wrong with those tomatoes- bleh!
Alright- and now onto the subject of today's post- the world's biggest douche bag. I know that some find that term gross and offensive- but today's interaction was nothing but those things. It's actually surprisingly difficult for me to even share this but I think it's important for my growth, identification with the issue, being able to move past it, and it might even help someone else.
Here's what happened...as I've said before I work in an office of about 20 people, of which I am one of only 3 girls, and at least 75% of the people in our office weight 250lbs +. There is this one employee who is around 50 years old, a male, grossly overweight, single, is always talking arrogantly about how he is going to lose 100lbs and how he could do it with no effort if he really wanted to, and then will seriously eat half a dozen donuts any time someone brings them into the office- oh, and did I mention he is a douche bag?? Ok-haha last time I will use that term- scouts honor! But seriously- he always has a snarky and sarcastic comeback to literally anything anyone says and at times I really do feel sad for him because I know he is extremely unhappy with his life which causes him to be such a dirt bag but any and all sympathy I felt for him was completely lost today.
As I was sitting at my desk talking with the other girl who's desk is by mine in the office, in comes Mr. D.B. (better? lol) with a 32oz. soda from Five Guys and he starts chattin' it up with us telling us that he ate a huge cheeseburger and fries for lunch yada, yada, yada and I just said, "Was that on your diet?" To which he replied..."Pot (points at me), kettle (points to himself), black."
If I knew I wouldn't have lost my job I'm not kidding when I say that I was mad enough that I could have punched him right in the face. I never ever ever get mad or angry- it's really just not in my nature- but I could feel my heart beat literally in my face I was so infuriated! To tell you the truth, I'm not even quite sure what kind of a face I made when he said that.
After convincing myself not to go and kick him in the crotch I found myself asking..."Would this make anyone else this mad?" "Would other people just accept this kind of treatment along with the fat suit?" "Is this the kind of situation that obese people face often?" You see, I don't face these kind of situations-like EVER. I truly cannot remember 1 other time in my adult life that I have felt directly insulted about my weight to my face like this. And really- who cares about him- he's a jerk and has nothing to do with who I am- and really not in the bigger picture here.
I guess the thing that I'm really struggeling with that was brought out from this situation is that I really don't identify myself as a "fat girl." Even typing that term just feels...wrong. And like that term could NEVER be applied to me. The thing that bothered me about him saying that wasn't that it was rude, not his place, inconsiderate, etc. It was that, "how dare he say that I am overweight." Because I still think deep down I really just don't see myself that way.
Is that a problem? I mean I guess as long as I am losing the weight is al that matters, right? This is truly an interesting phenomenon to me.
Something that I believe is going to be key for me in this journey is finding the balance between mainting the confidence level, love, and repsect for myself that I already have while being realistic about the situation I am truly in. Now that's a homework assignment! lol
No need to worry friends- I have already forgiven him (not just for his sake but even more for my own) and moved on. As you can see, a yummy "refresh" Tazo tea from Starbucks didn't hurt either :)
Ahhhhh ok- all better! My evening shall be spent catching up on reading all of your blogs (the Holidays definitely kept me busy) and with my new friend Leslie Sansone (see last post)- I'll be sure to give you all a review of the DVD manana!
But really, I'd like to know your thoughts... I had reason to be angry, right?