Selasa, 25 Agustus 2015

Days #230- #235: Delusional No More

Today as I stepped on the scale for my weekly weigh in I was half expecting to lose 2-3lbs. Instead- what I saw was the same number I've been seeing for the last 2 weeks: 298.

Why was I expecting to lose 2-3lbs? Because I'm delusional.
No, really. I have NOT hit a plateu or anything like that- I'm simply under the belief somehow that I can eat really well most of the time and then have something completely packed with fat/calories at some point throughout the day and that I'll still lose weight- UM HELLO- delusional.

After seeing that same number (298) on the scale this morning I wanted to feel bad for myself but then when I took an inventory of what I ate even just yesterday for example, the reason why I'm still seeing that number became clear as day. This is how I ate yesterday (and how I've been eating- mind you this is all while I think I am "eating to lose weight"):

Breakfast: 6:20am
- Coffee (1 Tbl ff 1/2 n 1/2, 1 splenda, 1 Tbl ff creamer)
- Super small serving of Special K Vanilla Almond Cereal w/ Almond Milk
* The actual contents are not horrible but it is simply not enough food to start the day off with, again- it was because I was rushing out the door and didn't plan like I had just written about in the previous post- which is why....

Snack #1: 8:30am
- Honey Chex Mix (2 cups!)
*Again, not a horrible choice in and of itself- IF I had eaten the suggested serving size, but b/c I hadn't eaten a good breakfast I was hungry and it was all that was around.

Lunch: 12:30pm
- Quiznos small Mesquite Chicken sub (490 cals!)
- Quiznos small caesar Salad (535 cals!)
- Large Diet Coke

*WTF?!? Since when do SMALL salads have 535 friggin calories!? The reason I went to Quiznos instead of having the planned healthy smoothie? Because my co-worker had a coupon and since I still hadn't had anything truly substantial to eat- fruit was just not gonna do it for me. Again, breakfast seems to have just thrown it all off.

Dinner: 6:30pm
- Cup of baked ziti pasta
- 3 breadsticks
*We were serving food at a soup kitchen (or pasta kitchen-haha) yesterday to the community so I just had what was served and I'm okay with the pasta since the portion size was so small but the 3 breadsticks? Really? Truly, it was just mindless eating.

Snack: 7:30pm
- Starbucks Venti Blended Strawberry Lemonade (cals not listed on site since it's not on the regular menu)
* I just plain wanted this- I had a gift card and was craving something cold and tart.

Later Night Snack: 8:30pm
- Smart Ones Dessert (170 cals)
* Not a horrible dessert choice but I really didn't need it.

I don't know what makes me think that not sacrificing and disciplining myself will eventually lead to weight loss- for me, it only leads to maintenance. I guess I'm glad that I at least know that when I have hit goal weight that I'll know how to maintain but at 298lbs, that is NOT what I'm trying to do right now!

I know some may not agree with me but here's MY truth for the next 5 months: With EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth ask myself: Is this choice getting me closer to or farther away from where I want to be? There will be NO MORE "cheats" or "treats;" this doesn't mean I will never have something that is sweet but if I do it will be calculated in and planned for.

The hard truth is the remaining 46 lbs that I have to lose are going to take EVERY ounce of effort that I have and I plan to GIVE it!

For the rest of the week I'm going to be spending time reminding myself WHY I want to lose this weight and what I will be gaining from it- for me, I've got to keep the prize in mind in order to do this and I think that is exactly what I need right now.

I finally made it back to the gym last week and had a blast doing 30 minutes on the elliptical- here's the proof :)