Selasa, 25 Agustus 2015

Day #236: What happened in Vegas is STAYING in Vegas!

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm going to be spending the rest of this week reminding myself WHY; why it is that I am on this journey- some of the reasons are more serious than others but they are all reasons none the less.

In some of my earliest posts I shared more of the deeper reasons why being 352lbs was no longer an option for me but lately there have been a lot of new reasons that have served as sobering wake up calls and were the fuel to the fire that is lit up under my bum!

My Thursday reason for working to lose 100lbs this year...

At the beginning of last month my roomate's amazing boss suprised us both by sending us to Las Vegas for the weekend to attend a charity event for him that he couldn't make himself- yes, it's jealous! :)

I really didn't know much about we were going to be doing there or who all would be there but boy was I in for a suprise! Come to find out we were attending Garth Brook's charity gala weekend which is comprised (interestingly enough) of professional atheletes. Throughout the weekend we had a ton of fun- we got to walk the Strip, do some gambling, enjoyed a private concert by Garth himself!, shopping, and stayed at one of the best hotels in Vegas (The Wynn!) all for FREE! It was amazing!

Despite all of the fun, the 2nd night of the trip was...not so good. That evenig there was a cocktail event and dinner that we were expected to attend and as my roommate and I were getting ready in our hotel room for this elegant event I began to realize just how much my weight has effected my ability to get all dressed up and feel...well, sexy. I guess I've never realized this before because, well HELLO, it's not every day that I attend cocktail parties and "red carpet"ish events- and I have found a way to feel very comfortable (and attractive) in my normal every day life- but not this night. My roomate got all dressed up in this hot black dress and super cute heels while I wore black dress pants, a flowy blouse, flats, and a cardigan.

As we walked down the entrance to the grand ballroom and all of the professional athlete's trophy wives came into sight I suddenly felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock. I seriously was the ONLY girl there not wearing a dress and that weighed above 160lbs- seriously, I checked. As my roommate and I walked the room I felt like she was a celebrity and I was her manager or something- it was ridiculous because I NEVER feel like this in "real life." Again, I just wanted to run behind one of the long heavy curtains and stay there until the party was over- it was horrible.

Now, if you've read my blog for an extended period of time you would know that I generally do not struggle with my appearance or self-esteem; heck- that is the very reason it took me so long to even begin this journey- the way I look has never really been a huge issue for me. In fact, it often feels extremely foreign to me to hear other girls say that they are ugly or fat- but for the first time, I could completely identify with them that night in Vegas.

Now, the logical side of me is saying : "Tiffany, it's not about looks- it's about inner beauty, those girls didn't have anything on you...blah, blah, blah." And I FULLY believe and know that it is my character, integrity,and personality that make me- and I'm okay with that. HOWEVER, I don't like feeling like the scum of the earth simply because of my looks. That night I vowed to continue on this journey so that I would NEVER have to feel that way again.

Not sure exactly when/where, but when I have finally hit my goal weight I am going to buy a sleeveless dress, put on some heels, and go out into a similar type setting (all of which I NEVER do now) and enjoy feeling like everyone else.

So that is my reason for losing this weight today: I want to be able to go out in any social situation and not feel like the literal "elephant in the room." So in this case, what happened in Vegas will most definitely be STAYING in Vegas!

Check out some pics from our trip!

Garth's wife, Trisha Yearwood, singing at the charity concert!

The view of Garth from our front row table!

Our AMAZING hotel room!

The view of Vegas from our hotel room!

Anyone ever been in a similar situation with feeling like the ugly duckling in the room?

Well, NO MORE for me! :)