Rabu, 01 April 2015

Day #91 & #92: WATCH ME.

The biggest change that I've made on this journey is not that I've lost 43lbs or that I've gone from never exercising to working out 5x's a week- no. The biggest change I've made is that I went from being absolutely ignorant to not only what I was doing to my body but why I was doing it to recognizing why I eat and live the way I do and not being able to ignore the way that my body is and what I'm doing to it- in short: the biggest change that has taken place over these past 5 months is that I've become self-aware. Really things like eating healthier, working out, and not giving into the temptation to do the opposite is just an effect of being aware of my feelings and actions and how they effect me.

Ignoring the voice of my body screaming out at me is what got me into the mess I've always seem to find myself in. And lately, I've been plugging my ears yet again. The voice of my body, that I've learned to tune in to, has been screaming: "Tiffany, you really don't need to eat that piece of pizza" but I simply plug my ears thinking, "it's okay- I'm busy and stressed, I'll still lose weight- it's just a piece of pizza."

I can't lie, sometimes I wonder if in my attempt to make sure that I never deprive myself I have given myself too much of a free license to not practice self-control. Well, I can stop wondering because it's true.

I've wanted to say time and time again in this post: "I've had a bad week," or that "I'm not doing so well," but those words don't describe the self-betrayal that I feel.

I'm sure that it must sound like I went on a week long binge or something- which is NOT the case. However, the self-betrayal I'm talking about is due to the fact that I have completely plugged my ears to the voice of my body and heart that is trying to remind me that I cannot put my health last and allow the daily grind to overpower my desire to live the life that I deserve to live.

It just seems like for the past month I have lost that...desire that I once felt so strongly that pushed me on to becoming the better person I've become. It's like I don't care as much.

This truly has been a wake up call for me; and not the kind that seems to come around every Monday after going a bit too crazy on the weekends. Screw that! I REFUSE to give up on all of the hardwork and true changing that I have done over these past 5 months just because I don't feel that extra little motivational spark and because pizza tastes good. It is easy for me to forget the severity of this situation but it looks like I need to remind myself a bit more often.

I know that this is all part of the process and because of this experience I will be able to maintain my goal weight when I get there, so I've learned and I'm moving forward.

Mark my words: I will lose 100lbs this year. I will do a 5k this year. And I will have the bangin' body and healthy life that I've always been meant have.

Nothing and no one is going to stop me- especially not myself. I chose to win, I chose to be strong as nails, I chose to live.