Senin, 09 Maret 2015

It's. Been. Done.

After 30 months of:
  • Dragging myself to the gym when I felt like I didn't belong and would rather do just about anything else.
  • Saying no to the things that had become dependencies & almost addictions (aka: caramel frappuccinos).
  • Counting calories day in and day out.
  • Eating what seemed to be the same thing day in and day out.
  • Completely restructuring the way I think about myself and what it is to truly be good to myself.
  • Fighting through feeling deprived or an "it's not fair attitude."
  • Convincing myself that anything is actually possible and that I wasn't bound to a life of obesity.
  • Saying no to french fries, pizza, and cookies being a part of my regular diet (I still have them every once in a while- as a TREAT not a regular staple!)
  • Having to be the only person not participating in indulging in all sorts of desserts and fried foods at what seems to be weekly office parties.
  • Waking up at 6:45am on Saturday mornings for spin class when all I really want to do is sleep in.
After, no BECAUSE, of all of this, after weighing in 30 months ago at 352lbs, yesterday I stepped on the scale and saw this...

And I swear I thought I was gonna break my scale from jumping up and down on it! No joke- I seriously I just could not stop jumping up and down in my living room shouting "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" and pumping my fist/arms every which way; truthfully I was even a bit surprised at my reaction, I was certainly happy when I lost 100lbs, but this was something different..I simply could not contain the overwhelming feeling of victory & joy it gave me.

I know that for most people weighing 199lbs is no big accomplishment (in fact, it would be a nightmare to most), but for me- it was something I truly was never sure I'd see. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time there was a #1 in front of my weight...if I had to guess I would say maybe it was when I was...15 years old? Sometimes throughout this journey it felt like weighing in the 100's was just a pipe dream, as if it were possible for everyone else, but just not for me- I knew that maybe I'd get to the low 200's, but the 100's? It almost just didn't even seem like an option. And now, it's MY REALITY. And it's. been. done.

Since the very beginning of this journey I've really only had 3 weightloss goals and as of yesterday, I've accomplished 2 of the 3:

Goal #1: Lose 100lbs (Completed!)
Goal #2: Get out of the 200's (Completed!)
Goal #3: Weigh 180lbs (Not yet Completed...)

How I approach this 3rd goal will be a little different than how I've approached the last two. When I first began I knew that I couldn't rush this process- that I had a lot of weight to lose and that there wasn't going to be a quick fix to the mess I had gotten myself in and it was with that mindset that I approached and accomplished my first 2 goals; however, with this 3rd one I have a different strategy...

I don't want to drag the final part of this journey out. I have 19lbs to go and I know that I can lose it because I've already lost 153lbs but I know that I am easily tempted to not really give my all, my very best and that when I do that it consequently takes me much longer to lose weight than it really needs to. I'm still not looking for a "quick fix" but I'm also not looking to take this last 19lbs leisurely- I want to knock it out; specificially by May 19th which is the date of a wedding I am a bridesmaid in. Basically that means I have a little over 2 months to lose the 19lbs pounds and it equals out to about 2lbs a week (give or take a bit) which I think is still a completely realistic amount of weight to be losing at my current size. I really believe that finishing this journey will look like one of two things:

1) It taking me 6 months to lose the last 19lbs.
2) It taking me 2 months to lose the last 19lbs.

And the difference won't be because my body just won't drop the weight, the difference will be in whether I am giving it my very best or whether I'm just going at it laxadisically. And I am choosing to give it my very best and if for some reason that still doesn't equate to weighing 180lbs on May 19th then I'm okay with that, because I will have done everything I can do.

There are so many exciting things God has in store for me this year, some I know about and I'm sure there are even more that I don't and truthfully, I just want to be done with this. I know that I'll never be finished exercising or eating healthy, but I'm ready to be at the maintenance phase and I'm ready to enjoy living my life with my body at it's very best that it can be.

I am by no means saying that 180lbs is my ultimate weight, but I would guess that it would be somewhere around there; being that I have a larger frame and I am almost 5'10'', it's not that far off from what the "charts" say I should weigh (which is between 153-173lbs) and I'll re-evaluate when I get there but my goal isn't to be the absolute skinniest I can be, it's to be and look healthy & fit.

I know I've rambled a bit here at the end but needless to say I am SO excited, proud, and thankful to God for where I stand today...all 199lbs! And now, moving forward to prove to myself that I can do even more things I never thought possible...

Happy Friday :)