Selasa, 20 Januari 2015

Day #21: The Straw(s) that Broke the Camel's Back...

As I've shared before, I've been overweight literally since I was like 9 years old and so you might be asking yourself, "Why has this girl waited until it got this bad until she did anything about her weight?"

The answer: It never bothered me until about a year ago.

Today I want to share the 3 instances that were the final push that caused me to start this new way of life- they were in a sense- the straw(s) that broke the camel's back:

Straw #1:
Because I am young (23) and have been pretty flexible most of my life I really haven't suffered too many physical constraints that have been brought on by my weight. However, in the last year I had begun to notice more and more things that were becoming increasingly difficult to do: paint my toe nails, fit into certain chairs, get health insurance, fit into movie theatre seats, etc. I remember that one instance in particular that served as a huge wake up call and happened just a few days before I began this journey. I was having difficulty tying my own freaking shoes. Seriously? I'm 23 years old- why am I getting out of breath and finding myself not being able to cross my legs while sitting down for a few seconds so that I can tie my shoes? This was one of the first moments that I actually felt scared about how big I had gotten. This is roughly what I was looking at...or maybe just an excuse to show you all my cool tattoo :)

Straw #2:

A few weeks before I made this lifestyle change a thought came to me that I'm pretty sure had one of the biggest impacts on me in regards to my weight than any before it. I have been blessed to have a lot of absolutely amazing friends and being that we are all in our early to mid 20's, many of them are getting married. No- don't worry, this isn't going to be one of those whiny "I wish I had a husband posts;" I am truly one of the most content (for now) single people that you will ever meet- my philosophy is: when it happens it happens, no point in not enjoying my life now! However, while I'm not planning on getting married any time soon, many of my best friends are- which is absolutely fabulous and super fun! However, one night after my best friend in the entire world called me and was telling me all about a date that she had just gone on I began thinking about what if she married this guy, which got me thinking about weddings, which got me thinking about being a bridesmaid. And no joke- I was truly panic stricken at the thought of not just being the fat bridesmaid- b/c I really just don't care about that. But I was so upset about the thought of my friends having to change their bridesmaid dresses from ones that they really want just so that I won't look horrible, or ruining the wedding pics, or worst of all my friends not wanting me in their weddding because I would completely throw everything off. Now I know that my best friends would never do that, but I just became so sad even having to think that I would put a damper on anything. I don't want to lose out on any life experiences or opportunities because of my weight and especially not ones like that. BTW- this is me and my bestie-Erin :)

Straw #3:
I've heard people say a few times in blogland that the thing that caused them to change was seeing a picture of themselves in which they looked unhappy and perhaps much bigger than they thought they were. This had never really happened to me before because for hte most part I only took pictures of my face. But I to tell you the truth I never even knew that I was only taking face pictures until I tried to look for some full body ones last week! Well, I can now join the club of people that say that a picture helped push them over the edge; here's how it went down: I've mentioned before that I am on staff at a new church here in Pittsburgh, well at the end of October our staff met down at this sweet location to take staff pictures for our new website. My friend Adam was taking the pictures and periodically during each of our "photo shoots," he would let us take a sneak peek at the pics to make sure we liked our standing positions, lighting, etc. I swear to you when I looked at the images on the camera I almost didn't believe it was me. I mean, it kind of looked like me but add on like 75lbs! My opinion didn't change once he sent me the final pic via email- I simply couldn't believe what I was seeing.

This was the best one out of the bunch. Not to be rude but I usually don't get when people hate pics of themselves and refuse to let others see them- I usually just think "It's not like people don't know what you look like in real life and see you all the time, who cares, it's just a picture." So that's not why I hate this picture so much- it's because it made me realize what a prisoner I had become. This was a major wake up call and a few days after seeing it was when I decided that I didn't want to go any farther in my adult life looking like this. there you have it, the 3 things that pushed me over the edge and were the "straws that broke the camel's back." And as much sorrow as I felt even now just writing about these things that I wish I had never had to write about, I will forever look back on these painful moments not with regret or shame but pride. Right now I am 25lbs lighter than I was when ANY of these things happened- I am changing and if these are the things that needed to happen to push me to get where I am now and where I am going- then I'm even grateful they happened.

What about you all? Was there 1 moment that caused you to change or was it more of a progression?

p.s. Tomorrow I'm going to be writing about something pretty monumental for me... can't wait! :)

Alright- let today be one that is full of steps FORWARD!