Selasa, 15 September 2015

Day #258: My NEW Motivation!

See that super cute couple up there? They happen to be 2 of my greatest friends and fellow staff members at my church and last weekend they asked me to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding.

My immediate reaction can be described in 3 words: Excited. Honored. Scared.

Only a few months ago I wrote a post about how one of the many motivations I had for wanting to lose weight was because many of my good friends would be surely getting married soon and that I would never want any of them to even have to think for one second whether they would want me in their wedding or how having only 1 obese bridesmaid would ruin the pictures or about how they wouldn't be able to have the bridesmaid dresses they want because it wouldn't flatter my figure, etc. I see even as I write this how sad these statements are and I'm sure none of my friends would refrain from putting me in their wedding but I just hate that any of the above thoughts would even cross their minds- or more importantly- that they've crossed mine.

Well, needless to say I had figured that I wouldn't have to worry about this situation for at least a little bit but clearly, not the case because I'll be walking down the aisle as one of the 8 bridesmaids in this wedding on March 26th! I've got to say that I was completely STOKED when they first asked me because I've actually never been in a wedding before as a bridesmaid and I simply adore this couple; however, the fear/reality set in when I received an email just yesterday that this is the dress the bridesmaids will be wearing:


I mean, it's not an ugly dress by any means but at this point I am in NO way comfortable wearing it. Why? Because my arms and legs are the things that I am the most self-conscious about. Truthfully, I don't hate that it's strapless, my arms look much better now than they did when I started this journey but my legs....uhhh...that's a different story. A much different story.

I have not worn shorts or anything above the knee in...well...10 years?

The GOOD news about this situation: The wedding isn't until March which means that I still have 7 months to continue to lose weight and get my body to a place that I feel a million times more comfortable wearing the dress. In fact, this is GREAT news for me because I can't even tell you how much of a motivator this is for me- I know this isn't my wedding and the spotlight is not going or supposed to be on me- BUT I want to look freaking smashing. Furthermore, I know that when we take the wedding party pics that I will be the heaviest girl (believe me, I know all of the other bridesmaids and I'm pretty sure 3 of them weigh under 125lbs and not a single one weighs above 155lbs but I am guessing that I will have lost at least 100lbs by that point and will be able to hold my head up high.

Ready for the BAD news: We are trying on the bridesmaid dresses this Saturday. Seriously, I feel panicked about this. Why? Well....

- I do not think I am going to be comfortable wearing this dress right now- like for real. I do NOT show my legs above/at my knees at all-ever! And I know that the bride is going to want to see me with it on. Eh.

- All of the bridesmaids that live in our area (like 4) are going to be their try try it on and I'm definitely NOT wanting to try it on in front of them.

So for real- I NEED YOUR ADVICE! I seriously don't know what to do! I've been kicking around several different ideas and all of them seem to have a little bit of good/bad idea-ness in them- I feel like I have the following options:

Option #1) Not go on Saturday when everyone else goes. Good Idea: I won't have to try it on in front of everyone. Bad Idea: The bride would probably be a little disappointed and I would miss out on the fun.

Option #2) Go and suck it up. Good Idea: It will be done and over with and the bride's feelings won't be burt. Bad Idea: Everyone will see me and I will feel mortified.

Ay. yay. yay. HELP! What should I do?

I know this may not seem like a big deal to anyone else and that I'm overreacting but everyone has that "thing" that they just feel super uncomfortable about and this is probably the first time I've felt pressured into bearing mine to the world (or at least my little world)! Can anyone else relate to this or have any advice for me?

Either way I know that the end result will be great because I will be wearing a dress in March that just seven months prior to I was feeling *this* horrible about- it will be a great moment- it's just a little...terrifying right now.