Selasa, 24 Maret 2015

Day #83: Accept, Understand, Plan.

I really didn't want to write this post but I'm committed to honesty on here and if someone else can learn from my experience then...great.

Eating out has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past 2 weeks. I literally have NO problem eating healthily and in proportion when I am at home, at work, or even just on the go; but for some reason when I am eating out with friends I just don't feel the need to make healthy choices. It's not like I go COMPLETELY crazy either- sure I'm eating a lot less than I ever would have before, but still I know that there is NO intentionality going on behind what I'm eating. In the past 2 weeks I feel like I've been eating out at least every other day, sometimes every day- not really because I am choosing to but because I do a lot of group activities where food is involved. Let me give you a prime example (and probably the one I was the most disappointed with!):

Monday night I headed straight from work to Trader Joe's to pick up some healthy grub and then over to an event we were having in downtown; on the way a friend called me who was also going and asked if I wanted to grab dinner before, and because there wouldn't really be any food at this event and I was already hungry I figured-why not? So we ended up at this Lebanese place and because the menu pretty much freaked me out, I just ended up ordering whatever was seemingly recognizeable to me and got a chicken gyro (not a horrible choice, but not my best either). Oh and my friend ordered some of these babies- GRAPE LEAVES...which I found to be a little bit less than appetizing :)
So at this point, I'm still in the okay zone- I had eaten really well all day and knew that a chicken gyro wouldn't be the death of me. So the event goes well, yada yada and then this same friend says, "Hey, the Cheesecake Factory is just around the corner, let's all do dessert!" I'm guessing you know where this is going... I have absolutely no problem in that I went- I'm not going to turn down hanging out with friends because I'm afraid I might eat something I shouldn't- that is not living and I refuse to do that but I also refuse to make some of the choices that ensued that night...

When all was said and done I probably had 1/3 of my friends Carrot Cake Cheesecake (which I cannot lie- was heavenly), a virgin Strawberry dauqueri, and half an order of fried cheese (wow- doesn't that sound healthy?).

I'm sure it all added up to over 1,000 calories and I was just absolutely infuriated with myself for those choices. It's weird- I have no problem exercising great self control in ANY other situation, but for some reason when I'm eating out, I begin to... not care. It's not like I'm ravenous and can't tell myself no, I simply don't want to tell myself no when I'm eating out...it's like I magically transform into a person that isn't over 300lbs when I'm eating out and that I don't have to worry about what I'm eating, when CLEARLy that's not the case.

I've got to be honest and say that when this situation occured fear hit me like a ton of bricks. Not the fear of gaining weight or even having to share it with you all, but the fear that this could be evidence that I can't do this. And then I remembered this. I really would encourage everyone to read this post- it was an epiphany I had about a month back and I can't tell you how much it helped me to remember that me experiencing this lack of control when eating out is a gift. I now recognize that this is something that I've got to face head on and learn to overcome so that my weight loss CAN be a long term thing. Failing in eating out these past few weeks doesn't have to be proof that I can't do it- I can choose to make it a stepping stone in the process to a long life of health because sooner or later I'm sure this problem would arise- whether it's when I am 40lbs down or 140lbs down and it's a lesson that I'm welcoming and will use to make me that much stronger.

I'm going to follow the 3 little steps that I came up with when I make a decision I'm not happy with:

1- Accept that it was a decision I made, not the result of circumstances, fate, or an accident.
2- Understand why I made the decision.
3- Plan for the future; how can I overcome this obstacle next time?

Friends, don't allow the mistakes your making to stack up against you as evidence that you cannot do this- YOU CAN. Allow them to simply be a part of the process; something you've got to learn in order to make this a life long thing.

You (and I) are much stronger than we think, let's prove it!