Discovered my cell phone was broken at midnight= no suitable alarm clock= waking up an hour and fifteen minutes late for work= looking like poop and no breakfast (OR COFFEE!)= bad. bad. morning.
This morning it hit me. The feeling that I was pretty much waiting for and wondering where it had been. The feeling that came before every other unsuccessful attempt at changing my life; and it comes in the form of this thought: "I just don't really care anymore."
Thoughts so similar to this kept running through my mind this morning as I was stressing out that there was literally nothing healthy for me to grab for a quick breakfast on the go (I was already like 15 minutes late) and I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say, "WHATEVER! Who cares anymore!"
Don't ask me where these thoughts came from or what brought them on; I could't have been ahppier with yesterday's weigh in and I know that it's getting close to that time of the month but geez louise am I feeling like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster.
And then even I began to feel terrible for allowing myself to think thoughts about giving up or about this not mattering and it all made me fear the possibility of failure- of me giving up. And then I realized that there are 2 key words in that sentence... FEAR and ME.
I've probably said it 20 times in the past week but it's a big job to realize that just because fear exists doesn't mean that it has to stay a reality, it's just a feeling, just an illusion. The more important part of this is ME. I feel like sometimes we think that our success on this journey is truly out of our hands and is based on some cosmic decision of the universe as to what our lives are destined to be like. But that is a bunch of bull. I have read time and time again on blogs where people have a defeatist attitude and when they don't have a good number on the scale they think that it is destiny and that they might as well stop trying instead of reevaluating what they could do better next time or measuring their success by other means than the scale alone. Please don't think that I'm trying to be mean or insensitive- I'm feeling right now the way you've felt but it's time to wake up and realize that WE are in control of our what goes in our mouths and what we do with our bodies, not anyone or anything else.
If I decide that I really do care- and I DO. And I decide whether I'm giving up- and I'm NOT. Then I am the one (and the ONLY one) who gets to decide if I succeed- and I WILL.
I learned an invaluable lesson yesterday that was so timely considering how I would feel this morning: Feeling tempted (whether it be to eat something bad, to not excercise, or to give up) is not a sign that the end is near and that you are doomed to fail, it simply is an opportunity for you to exhibit your dedication to a new way of life.
So if you are like me and you've been having some not-so-positive thoughts lately, don't get down on yourself for having them! They are nothing more than thoughts that can either be listened to or completely ignored. When you feel tempted to do any of the above don't get down on yourself, look at it as an opportunity for you to prove your own strength, as a sign that your old habits are getting ready to bite the dust and they are making one last valiant attempt at staying alive and taking control of your life.
Whew! Just needed to get that off of my chest! Today I'm going to be reading back over some of the major reasons that I want to lose weight so that I can stay focused and keep my eyes on the prize!
Have a wonderful day bloggy buddies and realize that the decisions you make today are either taking you closer or farther from your goal- which do you chose?
Shout Out: [This will be a new addition to Project 365! This may not be a daily occurence but I have really been wanting to give props to some bloggers that just plain fierce and have played major roles in helping me along my way!]
Installment #1- TJ! Before even beginning my blog I had been reading a few of the more "popular" ones (including TJ's) and when I finally decided to begin blogging TJ was one of the first people to encourage me and consistantly comment on my crazy thoughts. She is sweet, knowledgable, and has lost some serious poundage! If you are looking to be inspired to cook some crazy delicious meals you should check her out- she's also having a SA-WEEET giveaway! So congrats TJ- you have officially received the 1st Project 365 Shout Out! :)