Day #126 & #127: What up Doc?

I haven't been to the doctor in 5 years.

The reason for this is partly because I rarely get sick and also because in the few times that I have been ill, I haven't had health insurance and therefore didn't want to pay the insane costs of uninsured doctor's visits.

Since beginning my new job, I've acquired health insurance so when I started getting what I thought might be a case of strep throat, I decided to make an appointment. In the end, everything went great- my doctor is seriously so nice and caring, the office was efficient, and my sore throat was only a viral issue.

As I was waiting in the waiting room yesterday, I remember that soon enough the nurse would be leading me back to the examination room, but first we would be making that time honored stop at the scale.

Since this was my first visit to this doctor's office I was guessing that they would probably be thinking...we need to talk to this girl about her weight, so instead of waiting on that awkward conversation, as I stepped on the scale (which by the way didn't bring me even one ounce of dread or even discomfort), I proudly stated, "Oh, I should probably mention that I've recently lost around 50lbs..." to which lead to the nurse smiled, congratulated me, and then asked how I've done it.

Later on, the doctor asked me the same thing and I just replied, "Honestly, diet and exercise- I've been eating smarter and excercising more- there really hasn't been much more to it than that."

The one thing my doctor did tell me is that eventually I will hit a weight loss plateu and to not be discouraged- I asked him if when that happens I should increase my activity and decrease my calories, but he said no- to just keep moving foward and that eventually...after about a month, things should start going back in motion and that if they didn't then I might want to consider changing things.

In general I can't tell you how good it felt to not be having to walk out of the Dr.'s office vowing that I would lose weight before my next appointment (or this year), but that I could walk out knowing that I'm already halfway to a major goal of losing 100lbs in a year and that I'm doing what I need to do to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.

So...wanna know what my weight was at the Dr.'s????

300lbs!!! That means I'm 52lbs down now!!!

I had the biggest smile on my face yesterday and even now as I write this because that will be the LAST time that I ever weigh 300lbs again :)

FIGHT MODE.

One of the things that has helped me be the most successful in this journey is my mental strength. In fact, I had never realized just how mentally strong I was until I began this journey. However, I feel like it’s important to note that mental strength isn’t something that someone is born with- it’s something that is developed through deliberate choices a person makes that either further reinforce their mental strength into a state of victory or demolishes it, causing them to live in a mental state of defeat. I believe that the battle with weight loss is fought not on the scale, treadmill, kitchen, or gym- but in the mind.



While I believe mental strength is something that comes from a series of deliberate choices, there has to be some help in being able to make those choices in the first place, for me- they are my mantras. Mantras are phrases or words that I repeat in times when I need some extra strength, focus, and motivation to make a right decision. An example of one of my most common ones is: “When I say NO to this food (or choice), I am saying YES to myself and my goals- and if I say YES to this food (or choice), I am saying NO to myself and my dreams.” For me, when I make a decision to eat something I shouldn’t, 99% of the time it is because I have allowed myself to believe that it really isn’t that big of a deal to have that cookie, chips, or bread- but these mantras cause me to remember that while the one cookie may not cause me to gain 5lbs, it is leading me down a path of mental defeat. And it is when decisions like that pile up that you find yourself a few weeks down the road 10lbs heavier (or stuck at the same weight) and feeling like a complete failure. On the flip side, when you decide that you aren’t going to say NO to yourself, your goals, and your dreams anymore because of the temporary satisfaction a chip or cookie brings, you feel proud, strong, and invincible. Nothing is worth that- and you are building that mindset of victory with every decision.

 The other day I looked back at some of the notes I had made for myself at the very beginning of this journey (96lbs ago) and I found it SO interesting how much my mantras have changed between then and now- which I believe shows growth just as much as the scale has.


My Mantras 96lbs Ago:

- I REFUSE to let FEAR cripple me and kept me fat ANY LONGER!
- I am just at the STARTING POINT.
- If I am not embarrassed for people to see me chowing down at a restaurant I shouldn’t be embarrassed for them to see me changing my health and life at the gym!
- People aren’t there waiting to judge overweight people for coming to the gym, they are there for their own workout!
- I am the ONLY ONE who is going to push me to do this!
- I will PUSH MYSELF TO THE LIMITS if I want to accomplish things I never thought possible- I will prove myself and everyone else wrong!
- If I don’t want to have to do this for the rest of my life, I’ve got to give it MY ALL!
- When I only can do a few minutes on a machine…it’s more than I did yesterday!


Reading those reminded me of just how much fear I dealt with at the beginning of this journey- I was so afraid to be judged by people at the gym, so afraid to face the facts of just how out of shape I really was, afraid that becoming this fit, thin person I desired to be wasn’t really possible. What’s amazing is that for the most part, those thoughts never even enter my mind anymore- that’s what victory will do for you.


My Mantras these days are a bit different:

- You are the only one that is going to push you to your limits- you can’t wait for someone else to, because they never will- it’s YOU. Also, no one is going to say no to this food for you.
- This food (insert temptation) doesn’t love you- YOU’VE got to love you.
- You are a living success story- you aren’t still trying to become successful or prove to yourself you can do it, you have already become successful and now you are just living out that successful life.
- If you were on the Biggest Loser, would you be doing this/eating this?
- There is nothing you can’t do- no one can put limits on your but yourself and if you CHOOSE not to, the sky is the limit.
- You are no longer controlled by food or the desire of it. Food is fuel and that is it. YOU are truly in control now, not food.
- The fat on your body is just as serious as if there were cancer in your body- it will kill you, so take it that seriously.
- You are worth more than the temporary satisfaction that comes from something that will later make you question yourself.

I’m not quite sure I can see as clearly the common thread in these new mantras like I was able to with the old ones but I think now, I my mental struggle is more with realizing my own strength & resolve and not allowing the fear or even the question of going back to the way I was enter my mind.

 The truth, I’ve been struggling mentally. I think part of it is partially induced by hormones (aka- it’s that time of the month) but I’m craving things I never usually care for and am having a harder time saying no to things when I used to not even flinch. I’m not doing horribly by any means- shoot- I lost 4lbs last week- BUT I’m definitely in fight mode right now. And I have to let myself know that THAT’S OKAY. It’s OKAY that I’m encountering temptations, it’s okay that I’m having some unhealthy cravings, IT IS OKAY. The only thing that’s not okay is eating out of control or giving into the temptation. I need to remember that all this temptation and craving means is that I am being given another opportunity to reinforce the commitment to myself that I’ve made & the person that I’ve become.


I choose to live FREE. Free from being driven by any craving or temptation, Free from the control of food, Free from the control of negative thoughts. I am living in the FREEDOM that comes from knowing I am worth saying NO to temptations and cravings & I am WORTHY of living the healthy, fulfilled, and fit lifestyle I am enjoying at this very moment.


**Proof that I’m victorious**:


PW Weigh In: 260lbs
CW Weight In: 256lbs
Progress: -4lbs (Meaning: I am only 4 pounds away from losing 100lbs!) It's SO close I can TASTE it!

I hope all this has helped someone realize their strength lies not in fate, personality, or genetics but in the power that comes from their choices.

Have a great weekend everyone & would LOVE to hear some of the mantras you use on your raod to VICTORY!

Day #124 & #125: I'm Not Who I Was!

I've noticed that the longer I've been continuing on this journey, the less "exciting" everything feels...why?

Well:
- Most of the drastic (and exciting) life changes that need to be made have pretty much already occured.
- The thrill of trying new foods has turned into a bit of a monotonous menu.
- A bit of weight has been lost and the things that used to be super horrible about your weight/health/energy/confidence, etc. aren't nearly AS bad.

Can anyone else identify with this?

However, while the new (and motivating) thrill might be gone of beginning a journey like this- one thing that I'm sure will never get old is when a situation occurs that reminds you of just how far you come and how glad you should be that you're not where you used to be. I know because I experienced one of these overwhelmingly rewarding moments the other day:

As you know I started a new job about a month ago so my weight loss (of almost 50lbs I might add!) is basically unnoticed by my new co-workers since they didn't know me 49ish pounds ago- nor do most of them know that I am even on a weight loss journey.

Well, the other day one of my co-workers named Stacey (a cute, short, 30ish, African-American girl who is always super nice and has kind of taken me under her wing) called me over to her desk; when I walked over she had her foot sticking out from under the desk with a high heel sandal that looked similar to this on:

At first I thought she was just wanting to show me her new shoes but before I could even ask if they were new, she said something to the effect of, "Um...do you ever have problems buckling your shoes? For some reason I can barely even contort my body enough to be able to fasten this strap- this is just crazy! Does this happen to you?"

And after immediately choosing to not be offended by the fact that she had clearly asked me out of the 15 other girls in our office this question since I am still overweight and she assumed that if anyone did have a problem buckling their shoes it would be me, I said, "Yea. That has happened to me before. And it is ridiculous, which is why I had to change and do something about it...in fact- I've lost almost 50lbs since November."

And sure, while it felt good to be able to say, "I've lost 50lbs"- it felt 1 MILLION times better to be able to walk away from that conversation not feeling bad about myself or making a promise or resolution that "I really should start trying to lose weight!" That I HAVE changed and that that girl who cannot strap her shoes will NEVER be me again.

Honestly, I don't know that I would be able even now to buckle a strap like that without having to hold my breath as I bend over, but you know what- some day soon, I will be able to and dang it- I'm more than on my way.

If you are still hanging in there, eating healthily, making an effort to work out, and fighting this fight then know that I'm standing and applauding you because no matter how much of you just wants to say, "Yea- but I could have lost more, worked out longer, ate better, etc." You are still here and you are NOT where you were.

Sure, things may not be as exciting and I may not feel as motivated as I was when I first started- but the imagining how great I will feel on December 31st, 2010 when I have lost at least 100lbs is worth the mundane and imagining how horrible it would feel to not have given up and fallen short of my very best on December 31st pushes me forward every day.

So let's keep moving forward-one step at a time.

He Must Have Liked it Because...

So after typing & re-typing a million different semi-clever ways to say it, I figured it would be best to just come out and fill you all in on a rather major occurence that happened a bit ago...

I'm Getting Married!!!

I met "D" almost 2 years ago now and for almost that entire time we were just friends and would chat occasionally when we bumped into each other at church; however, a while back we were a part of a group that traveled to Israel together & shortly thereafter we began dating. He's an absolutely AMAZING man & I love him to pieces. He propoed this past St. Patricks Day and the wedding is happening this September (only 4 months to go- yikes!). So as you can imagine I've been super busy with planning a wedding and still juggling all of life's other responsibilities. But, needless to say, I'm one happy & very blessed girl!

Now onto weightloss talk!

Currently, I'm at 195lbs (ish- the scale was a little wacko today but I'm sure some of the things that was causing it to be that way will be gone for my "real" weigh in on Sunday). My goal for the wedding is to be 175lbs so a loss of 20lbs in 4 months (or 5lbs a month).

A year ago I would have looked at this goal and thought, "Really, Tiffany!?! Only 20lbs in 4 months?? You can do so much better than that!." But what I've learned is that the reality is that I'm not where I was a year ago, it has proven to be a bit more of a challenge for me to see steady weight loss these days so losing 5lbs a month consistantly is a doable but still very challenging goal at this stage in the game.

Another great thing that the wedding has brought on is that I feel like it brought back the old fighter in me that got me to where I am today; truthfully, I've felt that for the past 6 months or so that I've just been a tamed version of myself and that I just couldn't seem to flip that switch in my mind again that allows me really give this my all. But thankfully, that switch has finally been flipped thanks to the wedding and I'm working my bum off because truthfully, I'm just ready to be at my goal weight (for now) of 175lbs and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get there.

Ta- Ta for Now!

Day #120, #121, #122, & #123: Goals, Goals, Goals!

I started off the month of April vowing that it would be my best month yet...I'm pretty sure that I can say that it was a great month. Obviously no months seem to be as exciting as they were in the beginning but it was a good solid month of effort.

Thanks for all of the responses to my last post- I think somewhere in the mix I began to confuse this blog as needing to be some sort of informational site about health/weightloss/fitness instead of it just be a journal of my own personal weight loss- no wonder I was feeling so much pressure! I never have set out for this to be anything but my little journal and if it happens to help or be interesting to someone else along the way- great!

I'm a few days behind but I wanted to look at the goals I set for myself in April and evaluate how I did as well as set some new ones for the month of May!

Tiffany's Goal Key:
***Goal Achieved!
**Almost There!
*WOMP WOMP!

Goal 1: Track food for 1 month. * WOMP WOMP! This goal has seriously appeared on every one of my monthly goals and I can just never make it happen...mostly because I just don't really care about writing down my food intake right now. I don't think I've ever made it longer than 2 weeks with this goal, but to tell you the truth it doesn't really seem to be affecting my weight loss so I'm just gonna leave it alone for now. I'm thinking that there will come a point when the weight is coming off a bit slower and I'll have to be more strategic in what I eat and journaling will probably play a bigger role in my journey at that time. No more beating this dead horse! lol

Goal 2: Put in 4.5 hours of Cardio each week. **Almost There! I've done pretty well with this- seriously April and May will be two of my busiest months this year so I'm keeping things realistic while not completely throwing everything out the door. If there is one thing that I can say confidently right now, it is that I don't slack in the exercise department.

Goal 3: Weigh no more than 305lbs on April 30th. ***Goal Achieved! I weighed in on April 30th (and again on Sunday) at 303 :)

Goal 4: Try 2 new recipes this month. *WOMP WOMP! While I didn't get around to trying any new meal recipes this month, from my previous post you can see that I have been trying some new things. I'm hoping that as the summer comes I'll have some more time to try out some fun, healthy, and delicious meals!

Goal 5: Do at least 1 out of the box workout this month. *WOMP WOMP! Honestly, it was all I could do just to make it to the gym this month- no time for craziness :)

Goal 6: Learn to eat out in a way that is healthy and controlled. ***Goal Achieved! I'll be writing more about this in the future but for now I can confidently say I've grown leaps and bounds in this area!

Overall, April was a good month. I lost 11 pounds and honestly just kept on trekkin'- there's not much more to do than that right?

And now...my goals for the month of May!

This month will undoubtedly be one of my craziest months yet- in the next 4 weeks I am:
- Coordinating 15 senior citizen home repair projects.
- Organizing a Girls Weekend and enjoying it too!
- Beginning a new women's weekly small group.
- Coordinating 300 people in a community service day.
- Having my BFF come and visit from FL!

See? Craziness. But I love it all :)

I'm gonna keep it short and simple with my goals this month because I want to keep the main the thing the main thing- which is weight loss!

Goal 1) Weigh no more than 290lbs on May 31st. It honestly seems completely crazy for me to even write a 2 at the beginning of my weight...oh goodness! :)

Goal 2) Do 5 45min cardio sessions each week (3.75 hours).

Goal 3) Do 30 mins of strength training each week.

Goal 4) Create 1 new healthy meal option (that includes VEGGIES!)

Goal 5) Navigate eating healthily and continuing exercise while my BFF is here.

See- short n' sweet :)

What are your goals for the month of May?