Jumat, 18 Desember 2015

The Day That Felt Like It Would Never Arrive...

Wow. So, it's been awhile since I've posted- like 6-ish months. 

Life has been good. Very busy & very blessed. 

There's a million things I could say and update on but since my original purpose in starting this blog just a bit shy of 4 years ago (ohmygoodnessI'mgettingoldquickly!) was to chronicle my weight loss journey, it's probably most important that I update that I've officially met my goal. Like, done losing weight goal, period, finished, dunzo goal. It's still kind of surreal after being in extreme weight loss mode these past 4 years to actually mentally grasp achieving my goal and not necessarily having to push myself as hard as I did when I was needing to lose 2lbs a week but this is a discussion for another time, for now- it's celebration time :) 

Here's how my "big goals" have evolved throughout this journey that I started at 352lbs...

- Originally, I just knew that I wanted to lose 100lbs; sure, I knew that I would probably need to lose more than that to actually be healthy, but 100lbs just seemed so insurmountable to me that I had a laser like focus on that number for quite awhile. Then I lost 100lbs. 

- After losing 100lbs I felt a little directionless, I wasn't sure that I could lose another 100lbs or even if I wanted to, so I set a "final goal weight" of weighing 180lbs, and in my mind, that was a lofty goal as I hadn't weighed anything under 200lbs since being a young adolescent. Then I met that goal. 

- When I hit 180lbs I realized that I still wasn't at the healthiest weight and for my own health could lose more (even though I was more than pleased with where I had come from) and decided that 160lbs was the lowest that anyone my height (5'10'') should be so that became my new goal that I was all but certain would be the end of it for me. And I reached 160lbs and I when I got there I realized that my body was still carrying around excess weight and that there was no reason that I couldn't be my absolute healthiest and so I decided to just keep losing until I was at a weight that was: 

1) Healthy. I didn't want to be underweight but I didn't want to be satisfied with carrying around excess weight just because I had already lost so much- I see no reason why I don't deserve to be my absolute healthiest that I can be. 
2) Maintainable: I've heard about the Biggest Loser contestants that end up gaining a lot of their weight back because in order to keep themselves at their lowest weight, it requires them to be in the gym for hours a day and I knew that wasn't what I wanted for myself. I started out on this journey because my life was being hindered, I didn't want it to continue being hindered and continue to be bound but just as a skinnier person. I want to be able to enjoy life and not be controlled by food or body image whether that is as a obese or thin person.  

So I kept losing and continued evaluating based on those 2 measurements and I finally found my healthy & happy weight range & final goal weight which turned out to be 140-145lbs. Of course, I prefer to be at 140lbs but having 5lbs of wiggle/fluctuation room is a natural & healthy thing in my opinion. I weighed in at 140lbs just 2 weeks ago making a total loss of 212lbs...pretty darn crazy & amazing. 

Here's a pic of me today at a happy & healthy 141lbs:

I'm still figuring out the interesting balance between being in weight-loss mode vs. maintenance mode as it is sometimes hard not to do a major pendulum swing between feeling guilty for having any carbs (as if I'm still in weight loss mode) vs. feeling like having a 300 calorie dessert everyday is perfectly fine (my screwed up version of maintenance mode). So, I'm still learning and living in God's grace as I do. 

I have a heck of a lot more to say in regards to revelations and lessons I've been learning in this part of my journey but alas, there's not enough time today but I did want to check in, share the good news and let you all know that the reason for my lack of posting wasn't because I had gained half my weight back and was too ashamed to write or that I had died or something as I am very much alive & so very thankful for the strength God has continually given me to finish this journey and enjoy life to it's fullest potential as His free, victorious & loved daughter.