Mei 2015
rafting rahong pangalengan
So- I have finally reached my first major goal on this journey- I've lost 100+ pounds. Honestly, I really hadn't ever spent much time thinking about or setting goals for anything beyond losing 100lbs- I have been focused like a missle on this goal and now I've had a week to start thinking about the future- answering the question: "Now What?"

 I still don't know what my goal weight is exactly and I don't intend on setting it until I get closer- for me I could care less about the # on the scale, it's about how healthy I am and the way I look- I'm guessing my goal weight will be somewhere between 165-185. I know that # might horrify some as a goal weight, but I'm 5'10'', don't have a small frame as it is, and am pretty muscular. SO- right now my long term goal is to get out of the 200's (which is something still pretty unfathomeable for me); meaning I am gonna be KILLING it on my way to losing the 52lbs needed to hit 199lbs.

Well, now this is where the fun begins. Why? Because reaching this new goal will be nothing like trying to reach my first. Sure, the principles are the same, the sacrifice is the same, much of my routine will be the same but now I get to do it all being able to exercise, knowing how to eat healthily, and most importantly, KNOWING that I can do it. Plus, it's just the truth that now when I lose weight, it is much more noticeable than it was when I was much heavier and it's encouraging to notice the differences. I am more focused now than ever on becoming the healthiest, most fit, hottest (channeling my inner Hannah & Olivia!) me I can be.

I'm looking forward to setting some great June goals and to soon make it into the 240's! That's about it for today folks, I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you who offered your congratulations on my last post- it really is great to know that many of you have been reading my blog since I weighed over 300lbs and that some of you are just coming to discover my blog now and it's serving as proof that YOU can do it to! It's a blessing to be able to inspire anyone.

Alright folks, I'm signing off with a pic of my lunch meal for this week (yes I eat the same thing for lunch every day Mon-Fri): Italian Grilled Chicken Breast & Mixed Veggies (Red onion, zucchini, squash, and mushrooms):


Peace & Love Ya'll!
Heyyyy!


Wow- what a crazy weekend! Here in PA we had some sort of major terrential downpour on Saturday, which was unfortunate being that the community service day that I had been working on coordinating for months was on Saturday...yea- I was pushed to my limits of flexibility- which I'm sure most of you can guess due to my perfectionistic anal retentive planning tendencies, didn't make for the most enjoyable of days lol! Ahhh oh well, such is life.


Well I am officially back into the swing of things- Sunday's weigh in had me 3lbs down and I'm hoping for at least 3lbs more off by the end of the week- I need to hit 50lbs lost and soon...as of this morning I've lost 45lbs and while I know that 45lbs is good- I just keep feeling like it's not where I should be right now- oh well- I'm not going to allow my frusterations with how slowly things have gone lately, I'm going to focus on the amount of time I have left in the year to reach my goal- 7 months to be exact :) 55 lbs in 7 months- I can do that!


I'm excited to share that I'm trying something new!


Since beginning this journey in November I have been following the same pattern of food preparation- I make a large amount of food on Monday evening after work and then divide it up into 4 equal portions so that I can bring healthy, semi-fresh lol food to work everyday. You see, I have to leave the house everyday at 6:15am and I have absolutely no time to spare to whip up some delicious salad, and so far it's worked pretty well- it's been tedious, repetative, and a bit annoying to eat the same thing every day but as I've been saying quite a lot recently... "You do what ya gotta do" and so that's what I've been doing.


But lately it's just been too much for me- I've been leaving the house at 6:20am and not getting back till 10:30pm so I've been trying to get creative with what has become a more than tedious task in this lunch making. The answer to all of my problems?

What is it? A GNC Total Lean Meal Replacement Shake

Now I don't know about you, but because my approach to healthy living from the beginning has been based upon the principle of eating good natural foods in smart proportions, I've kind of had an upturned nose at my coworkers as they all seemed to buy into these shakes recently...thinking that because they were using anything powdered that it wasn't natural and that it was automatically "fadish" and sure to fail. And then after my coworker made me a small glass of one and it tasted phenomenal, I decided to take a little walk over to the GNC store where I spoke with the store manager and expressed my concerns about drinking something like this and how it could effect my long-term weight loss and whether it was his good salesmanship, the truth, or the fact that he was a McGregor look alike, I walked out of the store with 2 tubs! lol

After giving it some more thought I realized that my prejudiced against all things that were not "whole foods" was really a bit misguided and misinformed, I realized that this very well could be the answer to my not having time to prepare my lunches! And for the past 2 days I have joined the rest of my coworkers in going into the lunch room at 12:30, gathering our fruit and blenders, and smoothie-ing it up!

Most of my coworkers are doing what the GNC lean plan suggests and replacing 2 meals a day with the smoothies, but that is just not realistic for me; my goal is long term weight loss and there's no way that I'll be replacing 2 meals a day with smoothies forever. So right now, my plan is to do 1 smoothie a day (for either breakfast or lunch)- not b/c I have been unhappy with my weight loss results, but because of the time factor.

Now the possibilities for smoothie types are obviously endless, but here's my current favorite recipe for deliciousness (including calorie counts):

Tiffany's Amaaaazing Smoothie (16oz):

-1 cup ice (0 cals)

- GNC Total Lean Shake Powder Vanilla Bean flavored 1.5 scoops (135 cals)

- Tropicana 50% less cals/sugar orange juice (12oz) (75 cals)

- Mixed frozen fruit (70 cals)

- 1 whole banana (100 cals)

Total: 380 cals!

And I wish I could send you each a little sample of how freaking delicious it is but alas, that won't be happening :)

I can't even say how convenient this has been for me thus far- I just bring a bag of mixed fruit, carton of OJ, and a bunch of banas to work, keep my tub of powder mix here, and badda bing- lunch is served!

Has anyone else tried these shakes or experienced similar frusterations/difficulties with preparing lunches?

Have a fantastic Tuesday ya'll! I'll be thinking of you when I'm enjoying my smoothie lunch today ; )

When I began this journey 3.5 years ago, my "long-term" goal was to lose 100lbs; I knew I definitely needed to lose more than that (being that I started out weighing 352lbs), but I wanted to at least get past the first 100lbs & then take it from there. 

After I lost the first 100lbs I was obviously super happy but felt a bit lost as to where to go from there so I decided to set my first "final goal weight" goal of 180lbs. I'm pretty tall (5'10) and have a wider build so I figured that was a good goal for me although at the time when I set it, it still felt almost unattainable. 

Then I made it to 180lbs and realized I still had a ways to go so in the last 6 months I readjusted my goal weight to a range of 150-155lbs. And then on Sunday, this happened: 
I honestly didn't think I would ever see such a number staring back at me on the scale. It was this very same scale that once showed me 352lbs and it now was showing a number 203lbs lighter... 203lbs??! That means I've lost a whole other overweight person...that's just crazy! 

And perhaps even more crazy, I don't feel like I'm quite satisfied with the idea of me being at my goal weight. Is that crazy? 

I honestly don't know what my goal weight is because I've never been at it in my adult life so I'm finding it hard so say "I will be DONE losing weight when I get to ___lbs;" which is kind of frustrating to a goal-oriented gal like me. I like to have a goal and even more, I want there to be a point where I know I'm DONE losing weight, ya know? 

But it doesn't look like I'm ready to decide what # is just yet. I honestly don't think it would be healthy or sustainable for me to weigh any less than 140lbs so I feel fairly comfortable saying that would be my bare minimum (remember, I'm kind of an amazon woman) so maybe my happy goal weight range will end up being between 140-145lbs; for now, I'm comfortable with just saying..."we'll see." Right now I'm still aiming to lose 1lb per week & I at least take comfort in the fact that I know I have no more than 9 more pounds to lose. 

I would be lying though if I said I'm not concerned about walking down that slippery slope of no weight ever being "good enough" or that I'm always going to want to lose "just 5 more pounds." I guess all I can really do is be aware of that danger & keep my heart pure & right before God. Regardless, I know that I won't be worth more, more beautiful, more loved or more complete by weighing any certain number- the number that stares back at me on the scale doesn't make up my identity. 

So in celebration of being out of the 150's (wow that is still so crazy to fathom!); I thought I'd share a comparison pic; I'm sure you can figure out which one is which! 
Ya gotta love a good selfie. 

In other news, I've been trying lots of new things when it comes to cooking! For those of you who have been following my blog for any length of time you'll know that when I first started this journey, I thought making a wrap for lunch was a huge culinary success so the fact that I now cook on a regular basis, am constantly trying new recipes & even better yet, enjoy it is pretty darn great. 

That being said- I decided to give Kale another shot after my last attempt at eating Kale salad was a big flop. The verdict? 

Bleck. I have come to the conclusion that I just don't really like Kale salad and I'm okay with that. I like it cooked but regardless of how much "massaging" or letting the leaves sit in the dressing I do, I just don't like the texture, the smell or the taste & I made a deal with myself a LOONNGG time ago that I'd never force myself to eat anything I didn't like on this journey so I happily say adieu to eating Kale salad! 

However, all was not a loss in cooking world for me! Here in Western PA there is a wedding tradition called "The Cookie Table." Essentially, at any wedding in Western PA you will see anywhere from 1-4 tables completely packed full of cookies at the reception that have been brought/made by the brides friends and family. It's just a nice gesture and hey, no one is going to complain about having tables full of cookies to choose from! 

Here were some shots from the cookie table at our wedding: 


This weekend D & I will be attending our friend's wedding & I was asked to bake cookies for the cookie table. This was kind of intimidating to me as I've never made cookies from scratch before and people tend to ask who made what cookie and let's just say I was feeling the pressure! Luckily my friend told me what kind she'd like me to bake so at least I didn't have to make that decision as well. So, after scouring the internet for a gluten-free snickerdoodle cookie recipe I finally found one that I thought was doable and that sounded delicious: Gluten Free Pumpkin Snickerdoodles

Needless to say it took me wayyyy longer to make these than the recipe suggests but I threw my fear right out the window and got to work; D was so impressed he just had to snap a pic- or maybe he was more impressed that I was letting my hands get so messy and wanted to document it for proof (I'm realllllly not a fan of the kitchen getting messy, even while cooking)- I'm the type that likes to wash a dish as soon as I'm done using it while cooking while he's more of a "let's just get all the cooking done, make whatever mess we need to and worry about it at the end"- so...we try to compromise (read: he usually tries to compromise- tee hee hee). 

And only 3 hours later (haha) these babies came out pretty darn amazingly: 
I know accomplishments like this may not be a big deal to some but for me, cooking was always one of those areas that I was (and still am) self-conscious about so the fact that I made a cookie that I'm proud of, that tastes good & that me and my other GF friends will be able to enjoy at the wedding, leaves me with a little smile on my face. 

Alright, that's enough for today. 

I'd like to know: 
  • Have you picked a goal weight? How did you come up with that number? Have you ever changed your goal weight? 


Guess what? I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth- I'm here, alive and well- although my lack of blogging activity may have suggested otherwise.


I've actually had PLENTY that I couldn't wait to share with you this week and I've gotten half way through a post at least 3 times this week but this week has been super busy...let's just say my eye started twitching yesterday so I'm taking that as a sign it's time to slow down a bit- more on that another time.


Alright- the one thing that I value so much about blogging (and you all) is that this is the only place I feel I'm held accountable for my choices in regards to healthy living; for whatever reason you all understand not only how I feel and why I got the way that I did but you also understand my potential, which is why it is sometimes hard to share when I go through a time that was disappointing.


And in the name of honesty and accountability I have to share this weird time that was the last 3 weeks; I don't expect anyone to understand, and I especially don't expect to hear any sort of sympathy... I'm an odd creature, my perfectionistic mind works in strange ways, but I do feel guilty for not being completely honest here on my blog; so here's what's been going on:


As I've mentioned in previous posts, fasting (abstaining from food for a short/long period of time), is something that I participate in either alone or with a group of fellow believers at times, it is not something I do every month, in fact I've gone years without doing it but on May 26th I embarked with some friends on a 21 day (3 week) fast which was centered around praying for our city; the longest before this that I had ever fasted was 7 days and I remember that being a doozy so you can imagine how intimidated I was about this, and there were many times before the fast started that I almost didn't do it just because I knew that it would affect my ability to work out and I didn't want to lose the endurance that I had built up...but I felt that this was a sacrifice that I needed to make.


Basically, here's how it shook down: Pre-fasting weight: 305

Week 1- Didn't eat

Week 2- Didn't eat

Week 3- Ate whatever the heck I wanted.


Now tell me that isn't just a bunch of crazy?


Most people didn't last the 2 weeks and it's always up to you to decide how long you want to participate (as well in the way you'd like to) but I think since I had set it in my mind that I wouldn't be working out for 3 weeks that once I decided to stop fasting after the 2nd week it made perfect sense to me that I had a "free week" of eating whatever the heck I wanted.


I know the whole concept of not eating for 2 weeks sounds like a case of anorexia and binging but that's not what it was about at all and there's no need for me to apologize for it- some great things were accomplished during that time and I wouldn't take it back for a second but let me tell you what- I learned A LOT that dreadful third week....and not to sound overly dramatic but it may have been my saving grace on this journey.


I wasn't obviously counting the weight that I was losing during the first 2 weeks as real weight lost because I knew it would be coming right back as soon as I ate something, but it was kind of fun to see what I will look like and how I will feel when I eventually do get under 300lbs, but during that third week I had not only gained back the 9lbs I had lost during the 2 week's of fasting but an additional 6lbs from where I even started, and let me tell you...I could FEEL it.


I know that 311lbs is in reality 41lbs smaller than where I started this journey but I felt like I was 352lbs again- seriously!


During that 3rd week, there were things that happened that literally made me disgusted with myself:

- I could feel the extra weight as I walked.

- When walking up a small hill I got winded.

- I was EXHAUSTED all of the time.


I had a brief glimpse of what my life was like when I weighed 352lbs and I believe that I had honestly forgotten just how badly I need to lose weight...and how quickly everything that I've worked for could be gone.


On Monday, I woke up and weighed in at 311lbs- I just wanted to cry... my goal for the end of May was to be at 290 and now I'd be luck to be where I was before I started the fast by the end of the month- 305. But let me tell you this- a fire is burning under my butt that is SO hott I am more motivated than EVER to achieve my goal this year of losing 100lbs.


Today (Thursday) I weighed in at 308, so a 3lb loss since Monday and it's because I have been filling my body with nutritious food and being active.


There's so much more that I want to say but I know this is getting long so I'll share the rest tomorrow, but I just want to say THANK YOU all for being here with me through this journey, I believe that even though the past 3 weeks have not left me at a place numerically where I'd like to be, they have provided me with a wake-up call that I needed. I WILL lose 100lbs this year, I will, I will, I will.


In fact, last night my roomate and I went to Breuster's Ice Cream (yum!) and I didn't even get a single thing becasue I'm determined and dedicated to end the month of May having given my VERY best during these last 2 weeks- not just having stupid treats because they are there.


I leave you all with saying that after 2 weeks of eating nothing at all and 1 week of eating nothing but absolute crap, I began this week feeling uber THANKFUL that I have the choice as to what I can eat, that I GET to fuel my body with good food- not that I HAVE to. It's a privilege that we get to choose what we eat, let's be grateful.


And b/c I have a hard time not including some picture in my posts...this is me and my friends at a kid's festival this weekend, with Timmy the Termite :)


Peace and Love Ya'll :)


101 Pounds Ago...

  • Tying my shoes was difficult.
  • The # of restaurant chairs I couldn't fit in was increasing.
  • I couldn't fly in an airplane without a seat belt extender and having the arm rest up.
  • In search of control, I was being completely controlled by food.
  • I wore size 28 jeans.
  • I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded (and I was 23 years old!)
  • I honestly doubted I would ever weigh under 300 pounds.
  • I was a slave to circumstances, peer pressure, and emotional eating.
  • I dreaded going to amusement parks because I couldn't fit on most of the roller coasters.
  • I couldn't drive past a Starbucks without ordering a 500 calorie drink.
  • I could workout on the elliptical for longer than 10 minutes without feeling like my heart would beat out of my chest.
  • I had never cooked a single vegetable in my life.
  • I was intensely afraid of working out at the gym.
  • I was in denial of how I became obese & even that my weight was a problem.
  • My weight was prohibiting me from fulfilling God's calling on my life.

Today, after losing 101 Pounds...
  • I can tie my shoes with no issue.
  • I can RUN up stairs without getting winded.
  • I know how I became overweight and why/how I will NEVER go back.
  • I have shown myself that I am not destined for diabetes and obesity, but greatness.
  • I have no fear of working out at the gym and have had multiple people there mention my weight loss.
  • I can fly on an airplan without using a seat belt extender.
  • I am in control of food & it no longer has any hold on my life!
  • I can workout on the elliptical for a limitless amount of time & have become an avid spinner.
  • I now wear a size 20 jeans.
  • I can go to a restaurant and fit in any chair.
  • I have NO doubt that I will be in ONEderland one day soon.
  • Starbucks no longer is an addiction of mine & it holds very little appeal.
  • I am FREE from circumstancial or peer pressure in regards to food.
  • I am one of the strongest, most resilient people I know.
  • I regularly eat vegetables & have learned to cook many healthy meals.
  • I KNOW that I am worth it!
This past week I lost another 2 pounds which obviously brought me straight to a 101 pound loss. I have been waiting for a LONG time to reach this goal. As I look back on my journals for the past 6 years or so, every friggin year I would set a goal to lose 100lbs and guess what? I FINALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And guess what? I am SO proud of myself.

Despite my not so great picture taking skills, I promise you I've been enjoying this delicious salad all week long- yum! When the weather gets warmer (not that it's really all that warm yet here in Pittsburgh- it was 39 degrees this morning at the bus stop! grrr) salad becomes my go-to meal. This is one of my favorite salad concauctions & includes:
  • Romain & Spring Mix
  • Strawberries
  • Aged parmesan & asiago cheese (from Trader Joe's)
  • Caesar flavored almonds
  • Raspberr Gorgonzola Dress (from Trader Joe's aka TJ's)
  • Grilled Chicken Strips (TJ's) 
= 299 Calories!

I intend to maintain having salads for at least one of my meals each day up through the wedding, next week's salad creation will be something I've never tried before- a mediterranean type salad, I'll be sure to share my recipe & how it turns out next week.

Weigh In:

May Goal: Be at 190lbs by May 31st
Last Week's Weigh In: 195lbs
This Week's Weigh In: 191lbs (-4lbs!!!)
A Total Weightloss of: 161lbs!

I attribute this great loss to being meticulous about what I've been eating; I've been tracking daily using myfitnesspal & have been staying at or under a net of 1300 calories daily. I have had zero time to work out lately and when that happens I know that I've got to pay even that much more attention to my nutrition.

Now I'm a Believer:

I had always heard that if you aren't eating enough calories that you won't lose weight. I never really thought there was much validity to that but I now officially believe that to be true. Earlier this month I was working out like a fiend & eating around 1200 calories a day and wasn't seeing the scale budge at all, if anything it was going up and I just didn't understand what was going on- it was discouraging. What I wasn't paying attention to was that if I'm only eating 1200 calories a day and then burning 600 calories working out each day that I'm really only netting 600 which simply isn't enough to keep my body happy, functioning & continuing to give up the excess pounds. I was shooting myself in the foot basically.

In the last week or so I have upped my calorie intake on the days that I'm working out and kept it low on the days I'm not and so far it seems to be working great- only 1lb away from achieving my goal for the month of May! Whoo hoo!

This weekend I'm in the wedding of two of my best friends and I am so excited- I'll be sure to share pics & stuff next week!

Until then, let's keep doing the "impossible!"
Hi friends :)

Thx so much for all of your SUUUUUUPER sweet words on my last post- totally not necessary- but OH SO nice ;)

Not a whole lot of updates from me...when you're fasting (and therefore not exercising) there isn't a whole lot to talk about on the health/fitness front.

I do have one piece of exciting news...I signed a lease on a new apartment this week! I've never really lived in a place (as an adult) that I've really felt was my own; I lived in a dorm all through college and then for the last year I've lived with 3 other roomies in a house that 2 of them had been living in for the last 6 years or s0- but coming in July I will be moving into a super cute apartment with one of my best friends and I just couldn't be more excited! I've already been thinking about the color that I want to paint the walls and looking for furniture on Craigslist has become my newest addiction- no, seriously. lol.

And while I can't wait to move into a new enviorment and just begin a new phase of life- this move does present one little problem: I don't know if I'll be able to go to my gym anymore!!!

:(

Here's the stitch: The gym that I attend now (and LOVE oh so dearly) is literally less than 5 minutes from my house, BUT the new place I'm moving to is about 20ish minutes from my house and since I always go to the gym right after work (aka-RUSH HOUR), it would take me close to AN HOUR to get to work and then about a 30 minute drive home afterward.

So you see my dilema right? Do I deal with the extra driving to go to a gym that I'm comfortable with, have already paid for the entire year for, and just stinking love or do I start a new gym membership that I gym that I could love but could also hate in order to save time?

Um...HELP!
Sacrifice.

For real, who likes to do that? Who even likes that word?

However, for most of the people in the world trying to lose weight- it is the one thing they are not willing to do on a consistant basis and causes them to live in a viscious cycle of "I'm gonna do better, I suck, I lost half a pound, I gained two pounds back" etc. Now that I'm only 1 pound away from losing 100lbs, I've found myself pondering how it is that I got here, what was it I did that actually caused me to lose 99lbs. I'm convinced that there is not just one way to lose weight- almost all the diets in the world will work if they are based off of the only principle that works: eat healthier, know what you're eating, move your body. So when people ask me how I've done it I'm always a little hesitant to say because I in no way believe that I've discovered the holy grail of diets or anything, my plan has changed as I've lost weight- but the ONE thing that has stayed consistent throughout the last year and a half that I've been on this journey is this: I've had to sacrifice.

Has it gotten easier? Um...maybe.

Sometimes I feel like work in an office of the most unhealthy eaters in Pittsburgh- no joke. Almost bi-weekly everyone our office will pitch in and have a "food day" where for the entire day everyone eats all day long and the entire office is filled with the smell of greasy-ness. Yesterday was no exception. One of my co-workers fried up about 50 pieces of fried chicken (fyi- there are only like 12 people on my floor) and everyone in our entire 6 story building could smell it and were like ravenous dogs trying to get a piece. All day long my co-workers looked at me like I was crazy for not even trying it & when I told them why they would respond with things like, "Tiffany, you've lost so much weight- one piece of chicken isn't going to hurt!" And you know what, they're probably right. But at the end of the day, they won't be the one standing on the scale feeling bad about myself when I've just maintained and on the flip side, they weren't on the scale with me yesterday morning when I lost another 3lbs. I stood alone in saying no to the chicken and I'm standing alone seeing my waistline SHRINK- not expand.

There are few feelings like the one you get when you realize you aren't controlled by food or the peer pressure surrounding food anymore. It's both liberating and empowering. Did part of me feel bad for not eating the chicken because it made me look a tad snotty and like a party pooper? Yea- a little. Was it worth me feeling bad about myself and feeding into a mindset of defeat? Nope- not even a bit. And listen to this, when I was eating my wheat crackers & hummus for a snack and everyone else was going for their second plate of pasta and fried chicken, a co-worker said, "Tiff, you are hardcore! You are my inspiration to get all of this (points to her stomach) under control." And I can promise you that THAT was more satisfying than any piece of fried meat could ever be.

Bottom line: If you want to lose weight and become the best you possible- get used to sacrificing. A lot. It will suck sometimes, but it will be worth it ALL the time.

Other Updates:

  • Yesterday was weigh in day... Last Thursday: 256lbs This Thursday: 253lbs (-3lbs) Total Loss: 99lbs!!!!
  • I just bought a pair of size 20 jeans. THAT is crazy. I started out in size 28's.
  • I'm thinking about a cool way to celebrate my impending 100lb loss that will hopefully happen next Thursday... hmm...maybe a pedicure!
That's all friends! Do any of you have tips on how to avoid office snacking/unhealthy eating?
I figured after 2+ years & 150ish pounds that it was finally time for a blog facelift, hence the new look!

I decided to add the new pages above because it's what I think it most important. I realize that not everyone who is currently reading this blog has been reading since the beginning so chances are you may have missed some stuff. So for anyone interested in reading more about where I've come from, how I am doing it & where I'm headed- check. it. out!

I spent the last week in NYC for work with D (aka: the love of my life :) It was my first time in the city & it truly was a B.L.A.S.T.

Not sure where this Sunday's weekly weigh in will have me at but regardless of what it says, I'm keeping my chin up & a smile on my face because life is simply too short & God is too good to do anything else.


Happy Monday Er'body!

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty great actually; I spent it hanging out with friends, looking at apartments, and watching my new favorite show...GLEE! Anybody else have a Glee addiction? :)


I realized today that it's been a while since I posted an oh-so glamorous Tiff pic so I figured...why not snap a quick one before heading off to work...and even better it's a "BEFORE and AFTER" of sorts! :) Ready???



This was me in December/January-ish. I actually remember looking at this pic and thinking, "Holy Smokes, I'm lookin good!"

And here's a pic of me from this morning!

Maybe not a HUGE difference, but I can kind of see it in my face a bit! :)

Furthermore...yesterday was weigh in day and I came in at a solid 300 (no loss/no gain)- but I'm seriously ok with that-wanna know why? Well because today marks the beginning of a weeklong fast that I'm doing with my church (meaning water, juice, and coffee only) and I know that I'll probably drop 10lbs this week and then shoot back up the following week- I want to get under 300lbs by my own blood, sweat, and tears- not because of the fast. I'll still share what my weigh in is but I'm not going to count the next 2 weeks as realistic weigh-ins.

Alright, time to get back to work- here's to a great week (and LOTS of juice :)
This past weekend D & I drove up to see my very best friend & her husband who live in Virginia; it was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment trip but the truth is, we needed to get away. As much as we love our life, sometimes we just need a change of scenery, change of pace & change of faces to get us out of a funk put things back into perspective and that's exactly what we got this past weekend. 

The weekend was full of lots of shopping, girl time, board games, chatting & eating (more on that later) & of course, in keeping with typical Tiffany & Erin fashion, lots of crazy pictures: 




(*Sidenote: The super cute shirt I'm wearing was totally a SMALL from J. Crew...a small!!? Say what?!?) 

It was a pretty surreal experience to be able to shop for clothes in the same stores as her- we've always enjoyed shopping together but in the past I've pretty much been restricted to buying accessories in any store she could buy clothes in (with the exception of Target and Old Navy) so to be able to go into any store she went into was a pretty fan-freaking-tastic feeling. 

Erin and I have been best friends for the last 7 years and I couldn't be more grateful to God for her in my life. She has been there through thick and thin...quite literally: 

The pic of us on the left is the day I graduated from college in 2009 (when I was at my very heaviest) & the one on the right is from this weekend (at my very lightest). 

I do want to share something that happened this weekend that definitely caught me off guard. Like I said, Erin and I were friends when I was at my biggest- when I was choosing to eat out at every meal, drink 500 calorie Starbucks drinks daily, eat crappy foods at midnight, had no clue about nutrition & had a crazy emotional attachment to being able to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted. In 2009, after graduating college, I moved to Pittsburgh and soon thereafter was when I decided it was time to make a change, so we've lived in separate states the entire time I've been losing weight (but of course have visited each other multiple times).

Now before I share some of my struggles from this weekend, let me be clear that Erin has been nothing but a HUGE supporter, encouragement & cheerleader for me and my weight loss journey. I've been able to have conversations with her about how I got to where I was and how I got to where I am now unlike I've been able to have with anyone else because she knows me that well. Even when we lived together and I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, it was never her fault at all or even influence- she loved me as I was and never once made me feel inferior. I honestly couldn't ask for a better bestie. 

This weekend; however, did bring about some interesting challenges for me. I'm not sure what it was but I found myself reverting back to an old mindset of thinking whenever we would go out to eat at a restaurant or stop and get coffee at Starbucks; when I would normally stop eating when I was full or have no problem resisting dessert or an extra fatty coffee drink from Starbucks, this weekend I found myself "just accepting" that I would eat more than her, that I would order a larger size drink than her & that of course I would have an extra scoop of ice cream than she was because that's how it used to be. 

I was honestly shocked by this. Mostly because I normally have a spine of steel when it comes to issues of peer pressure & even though she wasn't pressuring me to make unhealthy choices at all, I was almost pressuring myself to revert back to that person who allowed food, emotions & circumstances to control them because that was what I had known in the past. 

After an instance of allowing myself to eat way too much dessert after dinner & having a stomach ache, I woke up the next morning & got my head on straight, remembered the freedom that I've received from food through Christ's power & returned to living victoriously over food and enjoyed the rest of our time together. 

Failure isn't an option for me in this journey; I take every instance that looks like a "set back" & promise to learn from what it has to teach me so that next time it can be a step of victory; from this weekend I learned: 

  1. While Christ has set me free from living under the control of food, my emotions or circumstances, I'm not above being tempted or having cravings and if I want to continue to live victoriously, I must continue to seek His help & utilize the power that He makes available to me. When I think this way, there's no time for thoughts like, "Oh well, I fell off the wagon and have returned to the person I used to be," as I had begun to fear was happening, because the truth is that moments of "victory" or "failure" don't dictate who I am, Christ does & I have the power to choose that. 
  2. This was a lesson I learned a long while back but needed a stern reminder of: Fun is not synonymous with eating crappy food; in fact, eating crappy food normally leads to shame. Fun is when I enjoy the company I'm with and remain true to myself & what is best for me. 
  3. I am the only one who is going to make the "tough decisions" that need to be made in order to get me to where I want to go; if I'm waiting for someone else to choose to suggest working out as an activity or to opt out of having bread/dessert, than I'm waiting in vain & wouldn't deserve an ounce of credit for having went along with the decision. 
So, in the end I am thankful for this weekend for many reasons, some that were easier to come by than others, but thankful nonetheless. 

This week, life has returned to normal as usual; some happenings: 

I have been craving carrot cake like nobody's business so when I saw this Carrot Cake Larabar at GNC I had to try one! 

The verdict? Eh... it wasn't bad... there was definitely a "carrot cake-y" taste to it but not enough for me to buy a whole box of them, especially when there are so many other delicious Larabar options like peanut butter cookie, cookie dough & chocolate chip peanut butter. Can you tell I like cookies...and peanut butter...and chocolate? haha 

I also whipped together this yummy super light dish for lunches this week:

 Mediterranean Chickpea Tuna Salad:

4 servings (1 1/4 cup each) 

- 1 can of chickpeas
- 10 cherry tomatoes
- 2 cans of tuna
- 1 diced cucumber
- 1 tbls. evoo
- lemon juice to taste
- 4 tbls. balsamic vinegar
- 15 chips (Food Should Taste Good brand, multigrain)
= 454 calories 

I really have become much more of a frequent snacker than a big meal eater lately so this meal was great- it was light, zesty, spring-y tasting & it included chips so that's an all around win in my book! 

Lastly, I kicked my own bum in the gym yesterday with an intense 45 minute interval workout on the elliptical- when I had started running and thought I was all hardcore I had convinced myself that the elliptical was for wusses; well, if that's the case then I'll keep sweating my bum off like this and being a wuss :) 


Alright kiddos, that's enough for today but I would like to hear from you: 

  • Has anyone else struggled with kicking old habits when you are back in an old familiar situation that you used to make unhealthy choices in? 
  • What's your go-to lunch option these days? I'm always looking for new lunch ideas! 
I haven't been to the doctor in 5 years.


The reason for this is partly because I rarely get sick and also because in the few times that I have been ill, I haven't had health insurance and therefore didn't want to pay the insane costs of uninsured doctor's visits.


Since beginning my new job, I've acquired health insurance so when I started getting what I thought might be a case of strep throat, I decided to make an appointment. In the end, everything went great- my doctor is seriously so nice and caring, the office was efficient, and my sore throat was only a viral issue.


As I was waiting in the waiting room yesterday, I remember that soon enough the nurse would be leading me back to the examination room, but first we would be making that time honored stop at the scale.


Since this was my first visit to this doctor's office I was guessing that they would probably be thinking...we need to talk to this girl about her weight, so instead of waiting on that awkward conversation, as I stepped on the scale (which by the way didn't bring me even one ounce of dread or even discomfort), I proudly stated, "Oh, I should probably mention that I've recently lost around 50lbs..." to which lead to the nurse smiled, congratulated me, and then asked how I've done it.


Later on, the doctor asked me the same thing and I just replied, "Honestly, diet and exercise- I've been eating smarter and excercising more- there really hasn't been much more to it than that."


The one thing my doctor did tell me is that eventually I will hit a weight loss plateu and to not be discouraged- I asked him if when that happens I should increase my activity and decrease my calories, but he said no- to just keep moving foward and that eventually...after about a month, things should start going back in motion and that if they didn't then I might want to consider changing things.


In general I can't tell you how good it felt to not be having to walk out of the Dr.'s office vowing that I would lose weight before my next appointment (or this year), but that I could walk out knowing that I'm already halfway to a major goal of losing 100lbs in a year and that I'm doing what I need to do to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.


So...wanna know what my weight was at the Dr.'s????


300lbs!!! That means I'm 52lbs down now!!!


I had the biggest smile on my face yesterday and even now as I write this because that will be the LAST time that I ever weigh 300lbs again :)
One of the things that has helped me be the most successful in this journey is my mental strength. In fact, I had never realized just how mentally strong I was until I began this journey. However, I feel like it’s important to note that mental strength isn’t something that someone is born with- it’s something that is developed through deliberate choices a person makes that either further reinforce their mental strength into a state of victory or demolishes it, causing them to live in a mental state of defeat. I believe that the battle with weight loss is fought not on the scale, treadmill, kitchen, or gym- but in the mind.



While I believe mental strength is something that comes from a series of deliberate choices, there has to be some help in being able to make those choices in the first place, for me- they are my mantras. Mantras are phrases or words that I repeat in times when I need some extra strength, focus, and motivation to make a right decision. An example of one of my most common ones is: “When I say NO to this food (or choice), I am saying YES to myself and my goals- and if I say YES to this food (or choice), I am saying NO to myself and my dreams.” For me, when I make a decision to eat something I shouldn’t, 99% of the time it is because I have allowed myself to believe that it really isn’t that big of a deal to have that cookie, chips, or bread- but these mantras cause me to remember that while the one cookie may not cause me to gain 5lbs, it is leading me down a path of mental defeat. And it is when decisions like that pile up that you find yourself a few weeks down the road 10lbs heavier (or stuck at the same weight) and feeling like a complete failure. On the flip side, when you decide that you aren’t going to say NO to yourself, your goals, and your dreams anymore because of the temporary satisfaction a chip or cookie brings, you feel proud, strong, and invincible. Nothing is worth that- and you are building that mindset of victory with every decision.

 
The other day I looked back at some of the notes I had made for myself at the very beginning of this journey (96lbs ago) and I found it SO interesting how much my mantras have changed between then and now- which I believe shows growth just as much as the scale has.


My Mantras 96lbs Ago:

- I REFUSE to let FEAR cripple me and kept me fat ANY LONGER!
- I am just at the STARTING POINT.
- If I am not embarrassed for people to see me chowing down at a restaurant I shouldn’t be embarrassed for them to see me changing my health and life at the gym!
- People aren’t there waiting to judge overweight people for coming to the gym, they are there for their own workout!
- I am the ONLY ONE who is going to push me to do this!
- I will PUSH MYSELF TO THE LIMITS if I want to accomplish things I never thought possible- I will prove myself and everyone else wrong!
- If I don’t want to have to do this for the rest of my life, I’ve got to give it MY ALL!
- When I only can do a few minutes on a machine…it’s more than I did yesterday!


Reading those reminded me of just how much fear I dealt with at the beginning of this journey- I was so afraid to be judged by people at the gym, so afraid to face the facts of just how out of shape I really was, afraid that becoming this fit, thin person I desired to be wasn’t really possible. What’s amazing is that for the most part, those thoughts never even enter my mind anymore- that’s what victory will do for you.


My Mantras these days are a bit different:

- You are the only one that is going to push you to your limits- you can’t wait for someone else to, because they never will- it’s YOU. Also, no one is going to say no to this food for you.
- This food (insert temptation) doesn’t love you- YOU’VE got to love you.
- You are a living success story- you aren’t still trying to become successful or prove to yourself you can do it, you have already become successful and now you are just living out that successful life.
- If you were on the Biggest Loser, would you be doing this/eating this?
- There is nothing you can’t do- no one can put limits on your but yourself and if you CHOOSE not to, the sky is the limit.
- You are no longer controlled by food or the desire of it. Food is fuel and that is it. YOU are truly in control now, not food.
- The fat on your body is just as serious as if there were cancer in your body- it will kill you, so take it that seriously.
- You are worth more than the temporary satisfaction that comes from something that will later make you question yourself.

I’m not quite sure I can see as clearly the common thread in these new mantras like I was able to with the old ones but I think now, I my mental struggle is more with realizing my own strength & resolve and not allowing the fear or even the question of going back to the way I was enter my mind.

 
The truth, I’ve been struggling mentally. I think part of it is partially induced by hormones (aka- it’s that time of the month) but I’m craving things I never usually care for and am having a harder time saying no to things when I used to not even flinch. I’m not doing horribly by any means- shoot- I lost 4lbs last week- BUT I’m definitely in fight mode right now. And I have to let myself know that THAT’S OKAY. It’s OKAY that I’m encountering temptations, it’s okay that I’m having some unhealthy cravings, IT IS OKAY. The only thing that’s not okay is eating out of control or giving into the temptation. I need to remember that all this temptation and craving means is that I am being given another opportunity to reinforce the commitment to myself that I’ve made & the person that I’ve become.


I choose to live FREE. Free from being driven by any craving or temptation, Free from the control of food, Free from the control of negative thoughts. I am living in the FREEDOM that comes from knowing I am worth saying NO to temptations and cravings & I am WORTHY of living the healthy, fulfilled, and fit lifestyle I am enjoying at this very moment.


**Proof that I’m victorious**:


PW Weigh In: 260lbs
CW Weight In: 256lbs
Progress: -4lbs (Meaning: I am only 4 pounds away from losing 100lbs!) It's SO close I can TASTE it!

I hope all this has helped someone realize their strength lies not in fate, personality, or genetics but in the power that comes from their choices.

Have a great weekend everyone & would LOVE to hear some of the mantras you use on your raod to VICTORY!
I've noticed that the longer I've been continuing on this journey, the less "exciting" everything feels...why?

Well:
- Most of the drastic (and exciting) life changes that need to be made have pretty much already occured.
- The thrill of trying new foods has turned into a bit of a monotonous menu.
- A bit of weight has been lost and the things that used to be super horrible about your weight/health/energy/confidence, etc. aren't nearly AS bad.

Can anyone else identify with this?

However, while the new (and motivating) thrill might be gone of beginning a journey like this- one thing that I'm sure will never get old is when a situation occurs that reminds you of just how far you come and how glad you should be that you're not where you used to be. I know because I experienced one of these overwhelmingly rewarding moments the other day:

As you know I started a new job about a month ago so my weight loss (of almost 50lbs I might add!) is basically unnoticed by my new co-workers since they didn't know me 49ish pounds ago- nor do most of them know that I am even on a weight loss journey.

Well, the other day one of my co-workers named Stacey (a cute, short, 30ish, African-American girl who is always super nice and has kind of taken me under her wing) called me over to her desk; when I walked over she had her foot sticking out from under the desk with a high heel sandal that looked similar to this on:

At first I thought she was just wanting to show me her new shoes but before I could even ask if they were new, she said something to the effect of, "Um...do you ever have problems buckling your shoes? For some reason I can barely even contort my body enough to be able to fasten this strap- this is just crazy! Does this happen to you?"

And after immediately choosing to not be offended by the fact that she had clearly asked me out of the 15 other girls in our office this question since I am still overweight and she assumed that if anyone did have a problem buckling their shoes it would be me, I said, "Yea. That has happened to me before. And it is ridiculous, which is why I had to change and do something about it...in fact- I've lost almost 50lbs since November."

And sure, while it felt good to be able to say, "I've lost 50lbs"- it felt 1 MILLION times better to be able to walk away from that conversation not feeling bad about myself or making a promise or resolution that "I really should start trying to lose weight!" That I HAVE changed and that that girl who cannot strap her shoes will NEVER be me again.

Honestly, I don't know that I would be able even now to buckle a strap like that without having to hold my breath as I bend over, but you know what- some day soon, I will be able to and dang it- I'm more than on my way.

If you are still hanging in there, eating healthily, making an effort to work out, and fighting this fight then know that I'm standing and applauding you because no matter how much of you just wants to say, "Yea- but I could have lost more, worked out longer, ate better, etc." You are still here and you are NOT where you were.


Sure, things may not be as exciting and I may not feel as motivated as I was when I first started- but the imagining how great I will feel on December 31st, 2010 when I have lost at least 100lbs is worth the mundane and imagining how horrible it would feel to not have given up and fallen short of my very best on December 31st pushes me forward every day.

So let's keep moving forward-one step at a time.
So after typing & re-typing a million different semi-clever ways to say it, I figured it would be best to just come out and fill you all in on a rather major occurence that happened a bit ago...


I'm Getting Married!!!








I met "D" almost 2 years ago now and for almost that entire time we were just friends and would chat occasionally when we bumped into each other at church; however, a while back we were a part of a group that traveled to Israel together & shortly thereafter we began dating. He's an absolutely AMAZING man & I love him to pieces. He propoed this past St. Patricks Day and the wedding is happening this September (only 4 months to go- yikes!). So as you can imagine I've been super busy with planning a wedding and still juggling all of life's other responsibilities. But, needless to say, I'm one happy & very blessed girl!

Now onto weightloss talk!

Currently, I'm at 195lbs (ish- the scale was a little wacko today but I'm sure some of the things that was causing it to be that way will be gone for my "real" weigh in on Sunday). My goal for the wedding is to be 175lbs so a loss of 20lbs in 4 months (or 5lbs a month).

A year ago I would have looked at this goal and thought, "Really, Tiffany!?! Only 20lbs in 4 months?? You can do so much better than that!." But what I've learned is that the reality is that I'm not where I was a year ago, it has proven to be a bit more of a challenge for me to see steady weight loss these days so losing 5lbs a month consistantly is a doable but still very challenging goal at this stage in the game.

Another great thing that the wedding has brought on is that I feel like it brought back the old fighter in me that got me to where I am today; truthfully, I've felt that for the past 6 months or so that I've just been a tamed version of myself and that I just couldn't seem to flip that switch in my mind again that allows me really give this my all. But thankfully, that switch has finally been flipped thanks to the wedding and I'm working my bum off because truthfully, I'm just ready to be at my goal weight (for now) of 175lbs and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get there.

Ta- Ta for Now!


I started off the month of April vowing that it would be my best month yet...I'm pretty sure that I can say that it was a great month. Obviously no months seem to be as exciting as they were in the beginning but it was a good solid month of effort.

Thanks for all of the responses to my last post- I think somewhere in the mix I began to confuse this blog as needing to be some sort of informational site about health/weightloss/fitness instead of it just be a journal of my own personal weight loss- no wonder I was feeling so much pressure! I never have set out for this to be anything but my little journal and if it happens to help or be interesting to someone else along the way- great!

I'm a few days behind but I wanted to look at the goals I set for myself in April and evaluate how I did as well as set some new ones for the month of May!

Tiffany's Goal Key:
***Goal Achieved!
**Almost There!
*WOMP WOMP!

Goal 1: Track food for 1 month. * WOMP WOMP! This goal has seriously appeared on every one of my monthly goals and I can just never make it happen...mostly because I just don't really care about writing down my food intake right now. I don't think I've ever made it longer than 2 weeks with this goal, but to tell you the truth it doesn't really seem to be affecting my weight loss so I'm just gonna leave it alone for now. I'm thinking that there will come a point when the weight is coming off a bit slower and I'll have to be more strategic in what I eat and journaling will probably play a bigger role in my journey at that time. No more beating this dead horse! lol

Goal 2: Put in 4.5 hours of Cardio each week. **Almost There! I've done pretty well with this- seriously April and May will be two of my busiest months this year so I'm keeping things realistic while not completely throwing everything out the door. If there is one thing that I can say confidently right now, it is that I don't slack in the exercise department.

Goal 3: Weigh no more than 305lbs on April 30th. ***Goal Achieved! I weighed in on April 30th (and again on Sunday) at 303 :)

Goal 4: Try 2 new recipes this month. *WOMP WOMP! While I didn't get around to trying any new meal recipes this month, from my previous post you can see that I have been trying some new things. I'm hoping that as the summer comes I'll have some more time to try out some fun, healthy, and delicious meals!

Goal 5: Do at least 1 out of the box workout this month. *WOMP WOMP! Honestly, it was all I could do just to make it to the gym this month- no time for craziness :)

Goal 6: Learn to eat out in a way that is healthy and controlled. ***Goal Achieved! I'll be writing more about this in the future but for now I can confidently say I've grown leaps and bounds in this area!

Overall, April was a good month. I lost 11 pounds and honestly just kept on trekkin'- there's not much more to do than that right?

And now...my goals for the month of May!

This month will undoubtedly be one of my craziest months yet- in the next 4 weeks I am:
- Coordinating 15 senior citizen home repair projects.
- Organizing a Girls Weekend and enjoying it too!
- Beginning a new women's weekly small group.
- Coordinating 300 people in a community service day.
- Having my BFF come and visit from FL!

See? Craziness. But I love it all :)

I'm gonna keep it short and simple with my goals this month because I want to keep the main the thing the main thing- which is weight loss!

Goal 1) Weigh no more than 290lbs on May 31st. It honestly seems completely crazy for me to even write a 2 at the beginning of my weight...oh goodness! :)

Goal 2) Do 5 45min cardio sessions each week (3.75 hours).

Goal 3) Do 30 mins of strength training each week.

Goal 4) Create 1 new healthy meal option (that includes VEGGIES!)

Goal 5) Navigate eating healthily and continuing exercise while my BFF is here.

See- short n' sweet :)

What are your goals for the month of May?
rafting rahong pangalengan